Scene: Our house - Master Bedroom
2:00am - Baby monitor goes to red.
15 month old wailing.
Mother who no longer has Pavlovian reaction to this particular (and chronically colicky) baby crying slumbers like nothing is up. Father who is without same immunities grumbles obscenities for 30 minutes, plus.
Wailing ebbs and flows.
Callous Mother rides those waves like a buoy in the night.
Father eventually caves. He throws sheets aside, grumbles colorful four letters and marches
- full on- down hall toward now half insane 15 month old.
3:00am - Father returns to master bedroom.
Falls into bed like downed tree.
3:22am - Toddler voice pierces through airwaves.
"I have pee-pee in my shirt and in my pants."
Father swears like a stay-at-home mom
Mother immediately levitates from bed to execute lightning quick toddler clean-up.
**5 minutes later everyone is finally asleep and dreaming.**
Uncontrollable laughter springs from chamber of sleeping Mother.
Father makes conscious effort to refrain from manslaughter.
He willfully decides to instead visit hunting camp early this year. And never return.
Mother continues to giggle, harumph, and guffaw hysterically in her sleep.
Father gives hard and unapologetic elbow to Mother's ribcage while demanding,
"What is so G*D* funny!?!?!"
Mother awakens to find visible steam emanating from nostrils of exhausted Father.
Once conscious of her reprehensible timing, she squeaks,
"You probably wouldn't get it."