This morning Abby sneezed hard.
"Bless you, Abs" I said.
Before she had even finished blinking she says back to me, "Bless you too, Mommy."
This is what makes nine months of puking worth it.
Baby Girl, you are the light in my days.
February 9, 2012
Grayson recently found an arcade token from when we were in SC on Andy's business trip. He asked if he could buy anything with it. I explained it was more a memory than money and we went about our business of reading what words were on the coin.
Later that night Grayson had set up yet another base camp on my side of our bed. He had his sleeping pad, red pillow and Spiderman blanket. Andy bent down to kiss him goodnight. "Daddy, my COIN!" Grayson yelled. The arcade token fell in between our mattress and the bed-boards. Where neither human nor little person hands could fit to rescue it.
"I can't get it, Bud," Andy explained quietly. "It's stuck in there until we move the bed."
Grayson's lower lip bounced out faster than I turned on The Bachelor.
"But it's a MEMORY, Daddy!"
Andy gave me the look, I got myself out of bed and we both lifted the damn mattress up high enough to retrieve the memory.
Memories require action, The Bachelor can always live inside my DVR till the end of time.
February 3, 2012
Tonight the kids and I had a short chat about stage fright and nerves before speaking in public. Abby piped in quickly. "Mommy, I know what to do for fright stage (yes, fright stage). You HIDE BEHIND THE CURTAIN!"
She is going to be sucking down the rum and Coke in front of ten people at a smokey pub one day, I just know it.
October 27, 2011
Tonight, in the midst of an atypical hurried bedtime tuck in, Grayson took my hands in his and asked me in his unassuming little boy way, "Mommy? When I grow up to be big as you, will you want to marry me?" and just like that I did what every psychiatrist would say not to do. I said, "Yes, it would be my greatest honor." I hope his future spouse can forgive an old heartsick mom this major misstep. I think we're okay though because I'm quite sure he's already changed his mind about me. You see, I made him clean his room. Soon, I will no longer be the center of his affections but for now? For me? No sweeter a moment ever there was.
October 18, 2011
Last night, as our entire little family loitered around the dishwasher, the kids did something cute. I did what I always do and grabbed the camera. In my haste to get the perfect angle, I cursed the camera for its shutter closing too slowly. Moving to the other side of the children, I tried a different angle entirely. Curses, #%&@ camera too slow again! Letting much too much bad attitude slip past, I slapped the lens cap back on my camera, tossed the camera on my purse, and flopped into my chair to finish Grayson's apples. Some silence in the room reminded me of how one person's bad mood (ahem) can screw up a good time. Right then, my baby boy looks up at me with the patience of an 84 year old and says, "Mommy, you were standing too close, that's why your camera wouldn't work."
He was totally right. In my rush to get the perfect shot, I stood too close to my subjects and therefore messed up my camera's ability to focus properly enough to snap the shot.
Sometimes it takes a five year old to remind me how to behave like an adult.
October 14, 2011
I'm just not quite sure how Abby is still in preschool. I thought for sure she'd be kicked out by now for her potty mouth. Or should I say for MY potty mouth. Just yesterday I heard her correcting her babydoll's behavior and telling her to clean up her mess. She then got very agitated with all of her babydolls and said, "There is just too much sh*t in this house!" I almost washed my own mouth out with soap. Really. I am a convert as of yesterday. It's ding dang and sugar and shucks from here on out. It's for her education's sake. I don't want her to to be the first preschool escorted to the principal's office for cursing out her classmates. Mommy is cleaning up her act. Let's hope I'm not too late.
August 31
When Andy or I get Abby dressed in her pjs at night, we always do so on our bed. She has recently taken to yelling, "DON'T DO IT!" when we bring her close to the edge where we can reach her. This cracks both of us up because neither of us can remember a time when a.) she fell off a bed much less b.) we threw her off a bed yet she continues to have a fear of this and protests, "DON'T DO IT," like we're planning on it anyway.
August 9
Grayson keeps hitting me over the head with the heavy questions. A couple of days ago, over apples and oatmeal he asked, "Do people come back to life when they get deaded?" I give this line of thinking directly over to cartoons or maybe childhood optimism. Waffling between soul crushing and faith providing, I answered the best I could muster at 7am.
"Well, not the way you might think but in a sense their spirit comes back to life. Just without a body."
"You mean, just blood?"
"Oh God no. Not just blood. Not anything. It's like...um....okay. Imagine your brain. Now imagine it without anything around it. That's what your spirit is like. Floating around."
"Oh." He sits on this pre-caffeinated explanation for one full minute.
"So," he considers between mini gulps of breakfast, "it's like one of those dandelions blowing around in the wind when you make a wish. A spirit is like a wish."
Sweet heaven, yes. It is exactly like that my little Buddha. Exactly.
July 26
The other day Abby told me she was "pissed off" at me. Over-hearing this slip of the tongue, Hubs corrected her quickly and let her know this was not okay to say. In turn, her smiling face melted and her lower lip protruded so far it almost knocked me over with its cuteness. Then the tears. She was broken hearted. She disappointed the second love of her life (the first being Grayson of course, sorry Daddy). You could see by her reaction she had NO idea those words were naughty. She had no idea because her mother still has a long way to go to clean up her language around the children. At least she stopped asking for her effing teapot. I'd say we're making progress.
July 12
Hubs: Where did you put the camera lens?
Me: In my pants.
Hubs: You're wearing photography pants?
June 25
Dr. Suess?
Grayson has his own language. Thought I'd start a dictionary to keep track before I get things confused. Too late but that's beside the point, we will start anew here.
Gotch= good. Adjective we think....As in that yummy pretzel was soooo gotch I almost didn't want to share it with you.
Zore hex = dangerous. Also adjective perhaps maybe? In a sentence: Those pigs that bite through the fence at the petting zoo were very zore hex.
I'll try to remember zore hex the next time he goes to needle his sister. She is nothing if not quite zore and hex when she is bothered. Couldn't have said it better myself.
******************************************
As we passed a funeral home, Grayson asks, "Is that people heaven?"
"Not exactly, Honey, it's kind of like..."
"Like Texas?"
Hubs and I both can't help but snicker aloud.
"Yes, like Texas."
And that's how we roll on death and dying at this house.
June 13
Grayson: I have a great idea for Daddy's Father's Day gift.
Me: AWEsome, let's hear it.
Grayson: FIRST we go to the store. THEN we buy something Daddy likes. There's only one problem. We don't KNOW what Daddy likes.
Me: I can see how that is proving to be a problem.
Grayson: WAIT, I know what Daddy wants for Father's Day.
Me: AWEsome, spill it.
Grayson: Cereal, a box of mommies and a robot mommy!
Me: You know your father very well.
June 2
Today Hubs, Abs, and I pulled up to a stop light at which time I spotted a cab with this sign:
Silver Cab'Assn
I could not stop laughing. I pointed, snorted and had Hubs read the hilarity for himself.
"I don't get it," he says pan faced.
"Really? Read it again! It's SO funny!" I swear.
"Silver Cab Association. (total silence). Still do not get it."
"Oh my gawd," I confess, "I totally thought it said the "Silver Cabassin, like Cab Assassin, get it?"
(Total silence and then)..."Not really."
One minute later, light changed and we're off . Hub grabs steering wheel, leans into me and whispers through his teeth like Humphrey Bogart, "Let's get him, that Silver CabAssin."
I love this man.
May 18
Sunday (Day Two - Post Deployment)
Husband wakes up at 0600 and kids soon follow his Nike socks down the stairs like it's their job. Chatter is abundant. Chaos ensues. Husband sending mental flares. I get out of bed and find him spinning in circles looking dazed and helpless in the foyer. They had not even made it to the kitchen yet.
Him: "I am completely overwhelmed, Honey. I have no idea how you did this."
Oh how I love the circle when it's full.
March 31
In our house we have a running string of analogies that express how much we love each other. Grayson is bound and determined to convince me he loves me more than I love him. Impossible but he is trying like you wouldn't believe, God bless him. Usually I tell him I love him as many specks of sand in the Pacific Ocean or as many trees in every forest in Yellowstone (before the fire). The other morning, when I didn't have my wits about me he hit me with this one:
Grayson: Mommy? I love you more than you love me.
Me: You do not. It's impossible.
Grayson: I do. I REALLY DO! I do, let me tell you how much I love you.
Me: Let's hear it.
Grayson: I love you so much that if I were the smallest car in the world I would drive around the inside of our ENTIRE house and stop at everything red in the house because red means stop that's how much I love you.
Dayum, Kid. That's a lotta love. You almost got me. :)
March 7
A Skype Chat: A Farm, The Kids are Sick, The Dog is Getting Old, Some Sexual Frustration
*I started the chat by telling him I was in my towel. I wasn't. I was in my super unsexy holey jammies. You gotta love IM. :)
[10:51:36 PM] Him: i was just checking out the site - looks coolyou really looking to become a farm girl
[10:51:59 PM] Him: you'll have to wear cut off jean shorts and a barely buttoned flannel - you do realize this right?
[10:52:52 PM] Me: it's standard. and you? dirty wrangler jeans and also barely buttoned flannel
[10:52:53 PM] Him: Lord knows i am quite tired of sitting and staring at the computer
[10:53:02 PM] Him: no shirt for me
[10:53:15 PM] Him: just gloves, jeans and boots
[10:53:34 PM] Me: nice!
[10:53:41 PM] Him: how did Dr's go and how're the kids?
[10:53:54 PM] Me: G has an ear infection *boo
[10:54:00 PM] Me: on antibiotics
[10:54:05 PM] Me: *cheer!
[10:54:08 PM] Me: Abby has a cold
[10:54:16 PM] Me: no medicine, other than tylenol occasionally
[10:54:16 PM] Him: Dr glad you brought them in?
[10:54:27 PM] Me: yes, new doc, old one doesn't work monday
[10:54:34 PM] Him: good one?
[10:54:35 PM] Me: she was cool. G talked to her.
[10:54:40 PM] Me: yes, i liked her
[10:54:48 PM] Him: he hasn't had ear issues in quite a while
[10:54:50 PM] Me: your mom went w/me
[10:55:01 PM] Him: Pop find sears?
[10:55:14 PM] Me: exactly. to be honest, i think the doc might've made more of it b/c u could tell she just wanted to give him medicine...he looks miserable.
[10:55:29 PM] Me: yes, Pop found sears and humidifier stuff
[10:55:37 PM] Him: sadie doing ok?
[10:55:41 PM] Me: she is sore but ok
[10:55:45 PM] Me: your dad walked her dogs off
10:55:50 PM] Me: u late?
[10:55:53 PM] Him: excellent!!
[10:56:03 PM] Me: yes but now she can't get on the bed
[10:56:07 PM] Him: no, gotta go in a couple minutes though
[10:56:09 PM] Me: k
[10:56:16 PM] Him: we need to get her steps
[10:56:23 PM] Me: i think so too
[10:56:30 PM] Him: or a lower bed
[10:56:34 PM] Me: her stubborn self will jump over them, watch.
[10:56:40 PM] Him: yeah
[10:56:49 PM] Me: u have a good sleep?
[10:56:52 PM] Him: you doin ok?
[10:56:58 PM] Him: yeah good on this end
[10:57:10 PM] Him: one lonely bed though
[10:57:24 PM] Me: yes. it has been SOOOO nice to have your parents here.
[10:57:29 PM] Me: i really love them
[10:57:33 PM] Me: and they make things so cozy
[10:57:34 PM] Him: good, glad it works well for you
[10:57:51 PM] Me: they are staying tomorrow i think. they're super worried about kiddos
[10:58:06 PM] Me: your mom says she has to leave on wed. though b/c thurs work is imperative
[10:58:11 PM] Him: good - that will help you little longer
[10:58:48 PM] Him: i love you nakey girl, wish i was there to smell you all fresh and clean
[10:58:54 PM Me: yes. i'm going to go work out at gym tomorrow by myself if kids are okay. have to fix a sign-up sheet there so will just workout and take advantage of babysitters.
[10:59:03 PM] Me: i love you too. i will let u go now
[10:59:13 PM] Me: u go get yourself together and maybe we can talk in your night
[10:59:14 PM] Him: ok, catch you tonite
[10:59:30 PM] Me: hope your day doesn't suck
[10:59:34 PM] Him: get soem good sleep
[10:59:36 PM] Me: k
[10:59:39 PM] Me: bloggity time
[10:59:39 PM] Him: my day will be ok
[10:59:44 PM] Me: after that i will go to sleep
[10:59:49 PM] Me: xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
[10:59:53 PM] Me: love you honey
[10:59:54 PM] Him: ok - will look forward to reading it
[10:59:55 PM] Me: miss you
[10:59:57 PM] Him: i love you
[11:00:01 PM] Me: b'bye for now
[11:00:04 PM] Him: xxooxxooxxoo
[11:00:05 PM] Me: pencils down
Feb 27
Last week on our way to preschool we got to talking about boobies. I don't know how it started but Grayson asked if Abby was going to get them. I broke it down for him.
"Yes, that's the idea. When Abby is a baby, she doesn't have boobies; only little booby buds. Then, when she is a little girl, still no boobies -just buds. Then, when she is a big girl - a TEENager, she will start to get boobies but they will start out small. If she ever becomes a mommy, she might have boobies - big - like mine."
He listened. There was a very long pause when I wasn't sure if he was thinking or just finishing his Pop-Tart.
Then, after the silence...
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Abby won't ever get big boobies like you."
"Oh no, why not?"
"Because she's going to become a doctor, not a mommy."
Must've been some Pop-Tart. Sorry, no boobies for Dr. Abby...it's just not in the cards.
Feb 9
Today Grayson asked me if people ever leave heaven. I can honestly say I have no idea and not be lying.
Feb 3
Grayson woke me up this morning to tell me he "did not sleep at all last night. I stayed up all night - the whole thing of it - and watched the ending of Toy Story in my mind until morning."
So now I have to go watch Toy Story to find out how it ends. Is it sad? Did someone lose a toy head? Did my four year old stay up all night long replaying a tearjerker in his mind until the sun came up? Will this child ever be allowed to watch Rated R movies? Will his preschool teachers want to have a conference with me when I pick him up this afternoon because he fell asleep in his lunchbox? To be continued...
Jan 30
Grayson has been on a real lovey dovey streak lately. And I couldn't be happier to be the lucky recipient of his affections. In his sweet and innocent four-year old voice he told me tonight that he loves me "more than He-Man AND God." That, my friends, is a whole lot of love. How will I ever measure up? God? He-Man? Only one way for me to fall and it ain't looking good for the future me. Will soak it up while it lasts. Every delectable syllable.
Jan 18
Abby has a few catch phrases. Whenever she falls she always says, "I'm okay!" even before she rights herself back up. Whenever we talk about her going to preschool next year she feels nervous to go alone and says, "You come wish me?" Whenever she doesn't want me to be mad at her she says, "Mommy, you nice lady. I luj you." An hour ago we were reading a new story for bedtime. In it was a girl who was maybe 10 yrs. old and wore long braids. I pointed to her and said, "Abby, that could be you when you are older, did you know that?" Without missing a beat she says, "You come wish me?" That's my plan, Baby Girl. That's my plan indeed.
Jan 01 -2011
After a very long day of grocery shopping, errand running, and otherwise not napping Abby says to me, "Abby is tired. Abby sick. Abby need med'cin, lipstick and nigh nigh."
I love her priorities. She is all girl.
December 30 -
After learning Pop is still really sick and needed antibiotics today....
"You mean Pop has a science infection, Mommy?"
Then a few minutes later he told me he wanted, "Nonie crackers (Cheeze Its), cheese, and a pinecone," for breakfast. "A pinecone?" I asked incredulously.
"Yes, Mommy...." he points to the large pineapple still sitting on our kitchen table awaiting slaughter, "that pinecone."
December 4
To Be Almost 2 -
"You scared Abby."
"Abby want some."
"Snuggle Abby, please."
"Brubba miss Abby at kool."
"Abby messy."
"Where Abby baby girls?"
I'm really going to miss it when she learns pronouns.
Nov 17
Last night Grayson yelled out, "Mommy I want to go with you!" in a frightmare, then fell right back to sleep.
I wonder where I was going.
I hope it was fun.
Nov 8
Abby's talking up a storm these days. One syllable, two syllables, three syllables - she is trying everything out and making her thoughts known to the rest of the world. Now when you leave the room and she's not happy about it, she shouts: Hum back!
I have yet to meet someone who hasn't.
Nov 3 - A few nights ago at bedtime:
Grayson: Mommy, I forget what Daddy's face looks like.
Me: Seriously? It's been three days.
Grayson: Would you get his picture for me?
Me: Get up and look in the mirror. You look just like him. (What? I was tired. It was late. I was watching a new Housewives.)
Grayson: Just get me a picture, Mommy.
Me: You win. An Emmy. An Oscar. All of it. Goodnight.
Grayson: Get me two pictures, Mommy. Don't forget. TWO!
Me: Just in case the first one doesn't jog your memory?
Grayson: The ones downstairs. I want those. BOTH of them.
Me: You're awesome. I love you. Goodnight.
*Post note: I got the pictures. BOTH of them. The ones downstairs. He slept snuggled up to their hard picture framed selves all night long. Goodnight.
Nov. 1 -
Before Hubby left for the airport (the final time)
Grayson: Daddy?
Hubs: Yeah, bud?
Grayson: What's falling all over your face? Are you sweaty?
Hubs: No. I'm sad because I'm leaving you guys for a ...
Grayson: ...for a very very long time, I know Daddy. I love you.
October 20- The Munchies
(Hubby crawls in bed with his little plastic cup of munchies. I believe it was Sugar Pops to be exact.)
Hubs: CRUNCH nosh nosh nosh CRUNCH nosh nosh nosh nosh
Me: What's in there, shards of glass?
Hubs: Bottles. I'm eating glass bottles.
Me: (listening, thinking, listening) Um, can I have some?
October 18 -
(At 6:15 a.m.)
Grayson: Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
Me: What? What is it? Wha?? What's going on?
Grayson: What's the name of that Lake where Mister Thomas caught that snake head fish?!?!
Me: It wasn't a lake. It was a pond.
Grayson: No, Mommy. What was the name of the lake where Mister Thomas caught that fish that snakehead fish in the lake, the fish with the crazy snake head in that lake what was the name of it?
Me: It was called Lake Snakefish.
Grayson: (to himself: Lake Snaaakefishhhhh). K, thanks.
October 15 -
Me: I'm going to grow my hair out for you while you're gone. It will be all long when you get back and you won't even recognize me.
Husband: -long romantic eye gazing pause- And I will do the same.
October 4 - After Hubby got Smallpox vaccine.
Me to Husband: Do you think the kids caught Smallpox from your injection site?
Husband: Yes. Let's add that to the list of things we should needlessly worry about.
Me: Good call. I'll get the hot pokers. You hold my eyes open.
September 30 - Recent Kidisms I Love:
Abby to me: Mommy hep (help) Abbies. Always. I will always help you, my Abbies.
Grayson to a crying Abby: What is it? What is it? What is it sweetheart? I love that he calls her sweetheart.
Abby to me: Mommy take Abbies to kool (school). Mommy will take Abby to kool soon enough but I'm glad you're excited about it.
Grayson to Daddy while discussing his future kindergarten class (as in 2 yrs. from now): I want you to call my teachers and ask them what kind of cookies they will give us. At least his priorities are straight.
Abby to me while I was loving on Grayson: Mommy kiss Abby! Mommy kiss Abby nose now! You got it, Gorgeous.
September 20 - Overheard because windows were opened (Oh Glorious Autumn, how I adore thee!)
Grayson to his Daddy: Mommy's reeeeeaaally old.
Daddy to his Boy: What?
Grayson: Mommy. She's reeeeeaaaaallly old, right Daddy?
Daddy: What? Why are you saying that? (A "No" would've sufficed in my opinion but whatever.)
Grayson: Mommy's reeeeaaaaaallly old because she came with this house, right Daddy?
Daddy: No, Bud. Mommy lived with us in the old house. Can you throw me the ball now?
I guess I should let the landlords know now the artifact that is me will have to convey with their house as all relics do. Sheesh.
September 15 - About Preschool
Grayson asked me today if it's okay if you cry at school. I said yes. He said, "That's good because I cried two times today at school."
Not exactly what a mother wants to hear. : (
September 9-
While peeling the remaining 2 mm of nailpolish off my finger Grayson asks, "Mommy, are you antiquidating?"
"Wha??"
"Are you antiquidating?"
"No. I don't know. What?"
"Mommy, do you know what antiquidating means?"
"I'll admit, Honey, I do not."
"It means: to take off."
I think we watch too much HGTV around here.
September 1 -
A few Graysonisms from our vacation at the cabin in Ithaca, New York:
1. "Daddy, how long can we stay at the cabinet?" I think he means "cabin." I hope he means cabin.
2. (After we returned from an adults only hike) "So Guys, how was Africa?" Sounds like Ithaca but oh man was that shit funny.
3. "Can you count how many vanillapedes I caught?" Can you guess? Yep, like 22 centipedes (shaped like vanilla beans perhaps?)
August 16-
Grayson tonight at dinner: Mommy? I will help you tonight with Abby. I will sit next to her and pick up things when she drops them. Except I won't clean up her messy messes on the floor. I will tell you to do that part because I'm only a little boy. You're welcome.
July 29 - Hubby just called in from work. Haven't talked to him since "the WWF incident" last night. Here's the convo from 20 seconds ago:
Me: So, does your left arm hurt?
Him: You meeeean from your......love taps last night?
Me: (silenced by my own inner hyena)
Him: Can you not drink what you had yesterday? You. were. evil.
Me: (tears wetting the corners of my eyes from my hushed hysteria) So....you.....remember?
Him: Um. Yeah. I remember the whole event.
Me: We were....(more tears) brawling....in the middle of the (snort, inhale, tears)......
Him: You want Baja Fresh for dinner or just steroids?
Me: Oh my God. I can't breathe. I'm going to wake up Abigail.
Him: How about Silver Diner? Do you want to meet me there (or would you prefer Gold's Gym?)?
Me: How about Arby's. That sounds perfect. Oooh, can you pick up a coffee too?
Him: No.
Me: Okay, fair enough.
Him: K, Bye.
Me: Love you?
Him: Bye.
You have to love relationships. It's the only time two people can say "F you" without saying a word and still muster the energy to volley with your playful side at the end of a long day.
July 27- Abby now says, "Abby!" Now if we can get her to try "Grayson" instead of "Bruh-buh", we'll be in business.
July 26- Grayson asked me today while we driving in our van, "Is this our car, Mommy?"
"Yes, it is Honey, what do you mean?"
"I mean, did we just get it the store or does it really belong to our landlord?"
"It's ours, honey. Our landlord owns our house, not our cars."
Wow. At this rate, my 3 year old is going to understand the art of equity before I do.
July 22- Abby got up last night about midnight. After I rocked her and kissed her on her forehead she closed her eyes, reached for the crib and said, "Nigh Nigh, Poor Mama." Makes all the late night interruptions worth every tired second.
July 20-
As I tucked Grayson in for his nap he smiles warmly and whispers, "Mommy? I want to be everywhere you are." Likewise my Sweet Romeo, likewise.
July 15-
(Driving in the car tonight to go pick up dinner w/hubby, kids, dog -we're pathetically addicted to our dog.)
Me: Babe, you're driving like a racecar driver.
Hubs: ~swerving neck left and then right for visual likeness to racecar driver~
Me: Seriously, take it easy?
Mario Andretti: I'm hungry. I want to get there faster.
Me: I want to get there alive.
Mario: Details.
July 14-
Grayson: Mommy, just tell me. Who do you love more. Me or Abby.
Me: Hmmm, let me think. I love you both the same so I choose Sadie.
Grayson: (under his breath) I knew it.
July 13 (p.m.)-
{Raining hard outside}
Me: I love it when it rains like this. I just love the rain period. I could be really happy in Oregon.
Husband: You could be a happy organ?
Me: Yep, that's exactly what I said.
July 13-
"Mommy, why is that guy running so fast?"
"It's called exercising, Grayson."
"What's he exercising so fast from?"
"Probably his children."
"But I don't see his children."
"Exactly."
July 10-
Grayson: "Mommy, you look like a Transformer when you're mad."
Husband: "I do dote on you. I let you drive tonight."
