Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Wendless Wordsday

I flipped a guy off yesterday in an act of retaliation for him calling me a B. I can be a B, sure Mr. Pedestrian with the right of way, but you haven't seen anything yet. Come hang out for a few days and I'll give you something to be really upset about. My vehicle (accidentally) inching two centimeters toward your crosswalk will be a distant memory as I ask and then demand you to eat real food and not just crackers, clean up after yourself because I have already cleaned a bajillion messes, get your socks off the kitchen table, stop chasing the dog with your samurai sword, stop pushing your sister over because you think it's funny, stop talking in that voice that makes me want to chase you with a sword, and the list goes on. Oh yes, you got away unscathed and you don't even know it. The B powers I possess would likely leave you speechless so next time, please don't rob me of the many masterful ways I can show off my B-ness to you and your eloquent bravery for cursing out a mom with her two young children in a minivan. At least my bird came with a smile.

7 comments:

pajama mom said...

birds are so effective sometimes! :)

p.s. does anyone follow your no cracker demands? just wondering. no reason.

One Sided Momma said...

yes, you can't beat the universal sign for eat poop.

and about your question....not so much. i bribe (cookie, skittle, etc.) per bit of "real" food so it's completely negated but makes me feel better that he's not always having cheeze itz and/or goldfish with a side of cheese for each meal. do you have these issues w/yours too?

Tracy G said...

Next time try a big smile and a thumbs up or a wave. It's so hysterical to watch peoples reaction when you don't let them get to you. It makes me crack up as I drive away! So funny!!!

One Sided Momma said...

tracy, i agree with you in that a thumbs up or a friendly wave would've been much better. especially since we have the mighty imitator watching our every move. great, now he's going to flip off his preschool teachers and tell them he's "effing" frustrated when he has to share a puzzle. this, and the swine flu, is why i'm waiting to enroll him. :)

pajama mom said...

well, let's just say, i'd probably be thrilled if k ate some cheese. or cheez-its. or anything...

One Sided Momma said...

pjmom, oh no! you have one of those too? grayson subsisted on dust molecules and kleenex fibers forever until he'd finally allow maybe 4 things in the food universe pass his lips. now we are trying to get him to lighten up about the anything that isn't orange deal in his head so he doesn't perish from cheez-it consumption or something. ugh, i'm so sorry for you if k refuses food (most food) b/c it's a tough road. everyone who has been there keeps telling me that they live and then grow up to eat you out of house and home. i will love that day!

pajama mom said...

yes, m survived nicely on orange cheese cubes and green grapes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner - for several months when she was 2-3.

k will drink chocolate milk and eat wendy's chicken nuggets. cheerios (dry) and any candy. i suppose she'll survive, just tired of the struggle!

i've come too far to give up now! :)