When I was eight or so I tried to do a cherry picker on a swingset by myself and broke my arm.
I wore a cast forever.
One night in my sleep I accidentally hit my mom in the face with my cast.
My poor mom suddenly burst into adult words and flew from the bed like her nightgown was spontaneously honey-coated with bees.
Guess what, Mom? Karma has visited your daughter. And her name is thy Abigail.
Let me preface by saying Abby does not have a real handle on her gross motor skills yet.
She doesn't quite know where she ends and other people begin. It's sweet but so very unruly and usually ends up in things dribbled all over the house (yes, I'm still working on the Glitter post). And every single day there are tiny fists in my eye because she is an enthusiastic hugger.
We're kind of hoping she needs glasses, actually.
So after receiving an Abby skull to my chin during dinner (don't ask) and then a subsequent Abby fist to my left eye after brushing teeth (I'm not even sure) I felt like I earned a nice relaxing evening. We made it through the hard part with minor bruising and abrasion.
Little did I know, the best was yet to come.
Princess Battleship and I were reading a story right before bed and just as I was mouthing the very last word of the very last story she walloped my face with her head.
Once again, I was Abigailed. Only this time it hurt.
I cursed, she ran crying to her dad. Apparently my lip hurt her skull.
I had an utter mommy tantrum of my own and ran to a scalding hot shower, crying about how I won't take anymore abuse from anyone in this house anymore, not even the dogs! (Take that you dogs you who do nothing but love, honor, and cherish while protecting me to the core of my being. OH THE ABUSE!)
I need therapy.
Or a very long session in Nepal with a monk who sees through my fat lip and bitter root attitude.
Oh yes, I was mad enough to snap a shot for the cops when Abby's 16 and threatening me with taking the keys to my car. Sure, I'll have to age the picture a little but then again, maybe not. I'm kind of liking the way Botox looks.
Black and white to save you from the extreme close-up.
Color brings the lip to life though so Hello nostrils!
I wonder if I could get her to zero in on my other side tomorrow?
Bright side: Some NeNe earrings and we are ready to attend a fundraising event!
So there you have it. My night brought to me by that b*tch, Karma.
Sorry, Mom. I'm sorry for not having great gross motor skills years ago and believe me, now I know how much all those years of Dizzy Lizzy hurt.
I hope I was worth it.
Maybe I need glasses?