Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Love & Marriage, Bachelor Style

10 pm last night, The Husband hands me his latest paper (Command & Staff school) due today at noon.

Him: Edit please?
Me: K.

After making some old school deletion marks, circling a couple comma splices and fixing one spelling mistake all from the warm confines of my I-Just-Wanna-Read-New-Moon-Now-nestbed I returned the corrected version back to him.

Me: Looks good.
Him: Thanks. What did you think?
Me: I think it looks good. I have no idea what I just read. You Marines are way smart.
Him: (not sure if I'm serious or not. I was.) Hmph.

20 minutes later

Him: Let's watch Bachelor.
Me: Let's.
Him: Who's going psycho tonight?
Me: Who's not is the question.

A few minutes into the show.

Me: Was that girl's boob out?
Him: Who? Ali?
Me: I have to rewind that. I think you could see that girl's boob.
Him: Yeah. We should rewind that. Was it Ali?
Me: I don't know her name. Wait, how do you know her name?
Him: Roll back the video tape.
Me: Yep, definitely her boob.
Him: Ali's boob.

A few more minutes later into the show:

Him: That one's going home. She's a nutcase.
Me: Which one, Michelle?
Him: I don't know her name.
Me: That's because you don't find her attractive. (Pausing DVR) Which one do you like, Honey?
Him: Which one do I like or which one do I think is hot?
Me: Nevermind, I can see that is two totally separate questions...
Him: Ali's boob.
Me: You're a freak.

After Jake and Vienna went bungee jumping off a bridge:

Him: He screamed like a girl.
Me: He's a woman.

At the rose ceremony:

Me: Oh yeah, Crazy Number Two is going home tonight.
Him: Ya think?
Me: Definitelyyy-yyy.
Him: I think the crying blonde is out.
Me: Noooo, he's digging the blondes.
Both of us: What? Who the @!#! is Jesse?
Him: Who is Jesse? Did she just come on the show two minutes ago?
Me: We were distracted by Ali's boob.
Him: Ali's boob.

Credits and then I flip over to BRAVO.

Him: Housewives!
Me: You're a woman.

The End.

7 comments:

pajama mom said...

i love this for so many reasons.

but mostly because you are reading new moon. :)

JRitz said...

I really do enjoy your conversations!! The make me smile.

One Sided Momma said...

pj - halfway through new moon and DYING to see the first movie. did you see it?

jritz - i'm guessing it helps to know him to really appreciate the dry humor. :)

pajama mom said...

yes, mm kept waiting for the blood and guts, since i told him it was a vampire movie. i left out the "in love" part. oops.

do you have your own image of edward or the robert pattinson image? i saw the movie and then read the books, and although rob is fairly dreamy, i wish i had read first to get my own image. (like harry potter)

One Sided Momma said...

pj - haven't seen the movie but already saw the trailer for twilight so can't escape the movie edward in my own mind. shame too, b/c it's always better left to the imagination, right?

palmer_sean@yahoo.com said...

We totally did the rewind of Ali's boob too! You'd think when you're on tv you'd make sure everything was in place. I love that who ever was talking to her didn't tell her that her boob was out!

Me - On Sean's laptop.

One Sided Momma said...

kathleen- i laughed so hard when i read you and sean rewound the tape too! guess you and i are having postpartum janet jackson stress or something. i felt sorry for her too although i'm pretty sure she was tanked on air, silly girl.