Wednesday, May 16, 2012

What the F?

Domestic maven I am not.

While I'd love to be awesome at furniture-ey things, truth is we have a house filled with my grandparents' stuff, Target stuff, and thrift store finds I thought I'd redo in the time I now steal off to have Bey-Blade battles.  (Pegasus is no match for El Drago no matter how fast you pull the ripcord.)

Our house is mostly neat but always seems dangerously close to reckless abandon.  Clean reckless abandon but out of control nonetheless:
  • Laundry bins of washed & now tragically wrinkled laundry get shuffled from one wall to the next waiting for someone, oh anyone! to fold them.  
  • Bath toys are crammed in one corner of the bathtub idling until bed time.  
  • A slew of catalogs, baby clothes atop already addressed mailers, and Vick's vapor rub collect on my dresser because it takes too much thought to collate, sort, staple and mail?

I drive myself insane with trying for stellar but remain, at best, somewhere in between so-so and playdate ready.

It should come as no surprise to me then that we should have a few "What the F?" items lingering in our house, ignored and forgotten. 

Their time has come to be remedied, redone, or mercifully recycled.

But first?  Documented for posterity.

 The top is all business while the bottom is all my-neighbors-must-hate-me.
Sadie still stands on our kitchen table when we're away.  
She apparently also nibbles on the blinds to pass the time.
Status:  Recycled.

 First thought:  This one's not too bad.  Everyone's napping.  
Only they've been here since last week.  
I'd like my couch back, sleepy babies.  You too, Ballerina Dora.  The show must go on.
 Status:  Remedied.

 This one hurts my heart a little.  
My dad gave me some of his valuables and treasures last winter.  
We had these pretty ceramic (porcelain? china?  oh I dread the thought) dolphins on our piano front and center when an enthusiastic playdate went awry.  
I claimed it was no big deal to the mom but I was absolutely crying on the inside. 

Super Glue?
Status:  Rescued?

 Oh look, it's Abby and Friar Tuck's head on a cracked votive holder. 
Amazing it has snuck past my husband this long.   
Status:  Recycled

 What's so wrong about this, you ask?  
Nothing except those swimsuits have been there since last month, before the deluge of storms. 
And since I'm being honest?  They still smell of chlorine...
from LAST summer.
 Status:  Remedied

Who doesn't have a jacked up home made menorah in their laundry room?
And a giant vat of Vinegar. 
Not to mention creepy miniature house photobombing in the background.
What the....F?
Status:  Remedied

Status:  Remedied.

A personal fave:  Heinous plastic hanger holding nothing next to multiple hoodies clinging for dear life on a door jam.  
The best part?  
That hanger was for a dress I wore in November.  
Of 2011.

Hey, a To Do list that has achieved "All Done" status months ago 
and remains useless because the pen is gone.
And this whole eyesore situation is hanging in Grayson's room for some strange reason.
Dude can barely spell.
Guess his unfinished sticker chart from January needed company.
Status:  Redone

Oh, you know you have one of these.  We ALL have at least one of these.
Why is all I ask?  And for whom are we saving these things?
Status:  Still there.  I have issues.

And Finally:  The Piece de Resistance......

Status:  What... the......F?

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