Some Cold Hard Truths

Grayson: Though convenient, the kitchen table is not your dirty laundry basket. Your socks should not be next to your plate. Pretty much ever.

Laundry: You are formidable, determined, and tireless. I have tried to anticipate your next move for years and yet you outrun me every time. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Tomorrow is fine. No hard feelings.

Computer: I'm breaking up with you during the daylight hours. It's not you, it's me. My children miss their mommy and my husband is on to us. He knows I can't possibly need to "go to the bathroom" this much.

The twenty or so Mommy blogs I "follow" that are freaking hysterical: I will see you tonight. No one else has to know.

Abigail: You will, in fact, have to get your face washed with a napkin, tissue, or washcloth after you get bananas and peaches in your eyebrows and/or up your nose. This will happen several million times in your young life and I promise you will be able to breathe through the entire process.

Daddy: I am never going to get everything on your grocery list. I try but after 2 hours, walking those aisles, I cannot keep up the search for smoked almonds and Crystal Light. They are elusive and I am new here.

P.S. While I'm on the subject, I'm pretty sure SurvivorMan's camera crew - and there so is a camera crew- sneaks him smoked almonds and Crystal Light (and matches too). Sorry but I think we should move on. Mike Roe needs us.

Sadie: We come home every single time we leave the house. It's never turned out any other way for you. Not sure which part of this is confusing but we'd appreciate the red carpet treatment more if it was without the dumpster diving.

Grayson again: You will probably, at some point at school or at home, have to eat something. Milk and Juice does not count as breakfast, lunch or dinner no matter how far you push your belly out to show us that you are "so full from the grilled cheese you ate last night." That wasn't last night. It was two weeks ago. I'm guessing you're hungry by now.

Mommy: Peppermint patties and olives don't count as breakfast, lunch or dinner for the record. And it probably won't kill you to sit down while you consume things either.