Thursday, August 18, 2011


Due to a venti iced latte vanilla earlier this afternoon and a 2am Abby wake up call, I learned a new word on the Internet an hour ago: FLASM. Glamorous, isn't it?

FLASM is the acronym for Feel Like a Single Mom even though you're married. There are a proper ton of us out there. Some are military spouses or simply the wives of men whose jobs have them travel often and for long periods of time. (There are FLASDs out there too, fear not Dear Dads!)

At first glance it may sound offensive. I felt guilty even typing that phrase into Google but I'm so glad I did. There are resources out there for parents like us who carry the beautiful burden at home the majority of the time.

>Click here to re
ad one article that links to a few good sites.

Motherhood Uncensored is another good one (This writer is cheeky and often funny with a capital F bomb so be forewarned.)

I see no shame in calling a spade a spade. There is no shame in having your spouse deployed. There is no shame in learning to cope without him all over again while he lives out of a suitcase and on a plane more than he is home. There is only shame in pretending it's perfect so no one will see you struggling to do it all by yourself.

Get help.

Make connections.

Don't feel guilty for asking how to get along without him.

Replace guilt with balance.

Honor yourself by redefining normal.

Strengthen your family unit by building your own scaffolding.

Personally, I've had to shatter preconceived hopes and images of what I thought made up the ideal. Holding onto them just makes me curse too much.

It is the opposite of easy because in some ways I feel like we're starting from scratch. I didn't want to get to the end of this deployment just to reward myself with more work but it cannot be avoided or ignored. I tried.

Right now, I'm in the uncomfortable process of redefining what works while ultimately making peace with our family's new dynamic. Our situation is not so unique. Many people are at home bursting through their guilt and finding the same ridiculous acronym that I found tonight.

May FLASM/FLASD shed light on a dark and unhappy room.

For all of us.


Julie, an official blogger... said...

Do I dare say Im a "flasm"? Hope my husband doesn't read your blog...

OSMA said...

Leave it to us to be FLASMs. I doubt your husband reads mine. I doubt my husband reads mine any more either. Guess we'll find out.