June 16

When I was 18, I can remember asking my grandfather what it felt like to be 80. His response was startling. He always told me the truth, or the truth as he saw it so I had no reason to believe we was screwing with me now. He told me his body was not in accordance with his mind. He explained to me that his mind was not a day over 18 or 25 or 32 but his body felt more like 75 or 68 at best.

"But not 80?" I asked.

"No, not 80. I'm not that old yet," he laughed even though technically it was his birthday. The candles on the birthday cake ratted him out: Eight. Zero. He was that old yet.

"So if your mind is a few years behind your body then you're golden. You'll never feel as old as you are."

"I suppose. It's just a shame the two are in such disagreement."

"Why so?" (I know now where my son gets all the nosy.)

"Well," my grandfather took his time to coax the right words out, "then I wouldn't be like a young man trapped inside an old broken down vessel. I would feel as tired as my body is and there wouldn't be this sense of dissonance," that last word lingered and stung my ears.

"So you're in dissonance?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

"Happy UNbirthday then."

"Thanks, smartass."

"Don't mention it, Hooligan."

***************

So today, on June 16, 2010 I wish you a most Happy UNbirthday, Boomps. I hope you're in total harmony up there in heaven feeling like a spry twenty, thirty, or forty something while also getting to behave like one. And no, we won't tell Boompa. She's with Mr. Sinatra anyway. She gets to be in harmony too.