Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Backyard Babysitters

Yesterday we didn't even leave the backyard to find the world's most convenient babysitters. While I wouldn't be able to catch Knight & Day or a bite at a restaurant without a drive-thru, these three occupied my children like they were every bit paid the 500 dollars an hour it really costs in real life (you know, the one I don't have because who the bleep has that kind of cash?!?!) So, until my next shipment of opium comes in, these guys will have to do. Here, let me introduce you.


First we have Silverado the Slug. He has patience, intrigue, and silver mucus with properties of Super Glue, detangler, and rhinovirus B2. A bit of a social leper but so vastly misunderstood. He entertained the kids for hours with his alien ability to turn one side of his body into a gaping hole that winked and then squirted "hair gel" all over himself for another road trip. Grayson begged me to hold him too. I was squeamish but caved. Then felt itchy later. I would definitely ask Silverado back. And leave popcorn.


Next there is Eloise the Earthworm. She is a lot more energetic and fun. Her flexibility with the children impressed me the most. The way she cut herself in half (after Grayson pinched her) to be with both kids at once really went above and beyond. I would most definitely ask her back to sit if there is anything left of her whatsoever. I'd stock the fridge with lots of chocolate pudding. And leave band-aids.

You can't see him but Barnaby the Beetle made a cameo appearance as well. I actually think he and Eloise are an item but she was too embarrassed to be caught on the job with her boyfriend so she asked him to scram. He is hard to get to know, kind of a tough exterior especially when capsized and repeatedly forced to flip himself over with legs that seem to have no joints. Eloise is one lucky girl. Barnaby is no longer permitted in the house. Grayson won't entertain the notion that beetles and earthworms need love to. Abby's cool with it as long as she gets to take pictures. This concerns me a little.

There you have it. If you're ever stuck for a sitter all you have to do is open your back door and get down. There are plenty around this time of year. All you need is a keen eye and a dragonfly net. A little happy table dance in your undies doesn't hurt either.

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