Ants in my Pants

Welcome Back and thank you for not giving up on me or this little brain dumping ground. It was a terrifically busy weekend and I hope you enjoyed yourselves a long holiday weekend too!

In case you were curious as to how crazy people spend their free time, we decided to try our luck at camping this weekend. As in tent, fire, flying ants, and sharp nails camping. It went half well. We didn't derail entirely until well after 9pm. Not bad for a first attempt at unplugging and going acoustic with an eighteen month old, right? Here's a brief synopsis of our time reconnecting with Mother Earth and her dewclaws.

• Pull up to flat and lovely spot C21 in the woods and unload our wares. All 300 lbs of it.
• Stench of mothballs permeates the air (evidently mothballs keep porcupines from eating brake lines. which is where i have to ask myself - what's more disturbing? - thousands of toxic mothballs littering our campsite or the possibility of some quill bearing creature standing by, ready to impale the children and the dog at any moment.) Abby assumes they are all gum and goes berserk popping them - 2 at a time -into her mouth before I catch her. I have coronary number one.
• Husband curses at new tent because assembly takes longer than 4 minutes. You can only love a man like that, I tell you.
  
• Together we manage to assemble tent (yay!) and disassemble boxes of food because some of us are starting to get cranky (me) and eat the picnic table (hint: not me).

• Lunch goes off without a hitch if you call Abby standing on her head while also standing on top of cooler without a hitch. I do.

• 

• Boys drive to nearby lake to catch some fish.
  
• Girls stay back to "nap" and rest.
• Two hours later I realize a nap is not ever going to take place so we instead embark on one long ass walk to visit fishermen because. Well because my frazzled mind could not come up with one more reason not to.
• 5pm - Dinner goes off without a hitch. Beans, franks, and carrots under the open sky on new Coleman stove. I love the great outdoors!
  
• 6:30 pm rolls around and napless Abby is more tired and clumsy than a drunken primate. The only thing to keep her interest for more than 30 seconds is a bag of marshmallows. She has possibly seven.

• Raison d'etre - CAMPFIRE!
• Grayson roasts his first two marshmallows on new cool telescopic roaster (Target $2!) thingy. He immediately gives himself 2nd degree burn on palm of hand by touching horrible, evil, awful cheap metal poker. I have coronary number 2.
  
• 8pm hits like a mack truck. The pinot my dear husband snuck on site wasn't even scratching the surface.
• 8:02 and gravity stricken Abby hits a metal stake with right knee cap. Lots of blood to follow. A gusher in fact. First Aid kit is busted open and a butterfly bandage saves the day. Still, I have coronary number 3.
• 9:15 Campground is hopping with music and children playing. Grayson is fading and willing to wilt into his sleeping bag. Abby grabs her party dress and is ready to rock on for hours. I find a cockroach in her hair. I have coronary number 4.

(note the 8 o'clock post traumatic facial expressions: grayson - pain & suffering, mine - at home in a bubble bath, abby's - anyone's guess. also, that little teeny scratch on abby's left knee that you can see? yea, NOT the wound she incurred...it's on the other knee - out of sight. see that little dab of "chocolate" on my shirt - below neckline and on left boobage? that's abby's blood. the inside of her right croc was a total crime scene. you don't even want me to describe the napkin we used to stop the bleeding. okay, i'm done making mountains...)

• 9:30 Husband excuses me and Party Girl. We are allowed to go home. Boys will stay behind to complete Family Camping Trip Numero Uno. I love my Marine.
• We girls drive home and are back in our snugly indoor beds by midnight. Goodbye Great Outdoors! See you when my Prozac prescription is filled.