I obsess. Every single year. And it's always a super bad idea.
This year I chose to obsess over teacher gifts. Teacher gifts that usually include one mini Yankee candle, 7 Hershey kisses in a Ziploc and a cute note like "Kisses to My Favorite Teacher for lighting my way" or something equally nauseating. (BTW, I loved gifts like this when I was teaching however I also loved getting mugs.) But no. I wouldn't settle for cute or normal this year. I had to go light years into Impossible to Achieve Given Your Lack of Skill in the General Area of Crafting, You Idiot.
And it lasted for about 14 days.
Just like the Indo-Pakistani war. Except with less Bangledesh and more chalkboard paint.
I had it in my mind to design and personalize something meaningful for each of the kids' teachers; there are four. (Hello, have you seen my house? It's designed by the total lack of design.)
Now, what kind of meaningful tabula rasa you can find in the aisle at A.C. Moore with a slightly feverish two year old is limited at best to four things:
- wooden picture frame
- wooden clipboard
- wooden (hoopty) music box
- wooden birdhouse
It's what every Early Childhood graduate hopes to get when they're throwing their black caps high into the air. "If only my students would thank me in a decoupaged clipboard that doubles as a messy black half-assed chalkboard on which I will write my name because nothing else will fit!"
Yessss, obviously I should be paid in gold bars and chocolate dipped diamonds.
OMG you guys. Something is not right with my brain. There should exist a greeter at all craft stores that check your credentials for making stuff before you check out with 900 things you won't know how to put together because you failed Geometry. Twice. That greeter should say, "Hello, let me see inside your purse," and if that person does not find glitter glue, color coded brads, a bottle of Mod Podge, or antiqued craft paper, you should be escorted out of the building and sent directly to Starbucks to buy the damn gift card already.
So, yes, it nearly cost me a divorce but here is what I made for Abby and Grayson's teachers. Remind me to tell you the pen holder story. That one will make you think very highly of yourself and thank your lucky stars you're not Martha Stewart's drive trapped inside Pippi Longstocking's body.
Teacher One Clipboard/Chalkboard Nightmare
(Why yes, I did hand stamp paper because clearly I've stopped drinking the vodka.)
Teacher Two Clipboard/Chalkboard Monster
(It's ok. All the dogs made it back in the truck in the end. I wouldn't have it any other way.)
Teacher Three Just Clipboard by Day 12 Because God is Good
(Yes, I did hand stamp her paper too. I saved her the near dogs in the open truck bed crash. Hope she wasn't too disappointed.)
Teacher Four Pen Holder
Oh wait, that is Abby in a butterfly net. Well, the cupholder looked pretty similar only it was bright fuschia and maybe weighed 7.5 lbs of heavy glazed ceramic. Exactly what every preschool teacher needs in her room full of clumsy tissue-paper-for-flesh toddlers.
You know these teachers are amped for their end of the year gifts.
Let's all pray A.C. Moore hires purse checkers way before June.