Taking Myself to Task

Have you ever said something a bit left of center to your offspring? Something that left your mouth before it was properly censored first? Words that you most likely said because you were too exhausted, too annoyed, too 5am to think of others.
I'm not talking charming, Cape Cod cute, Parenting Magazine quotables either. I'm also not talking about ridiculous proclamations ("You'll turn into a Cheeze It if that's all you eat.") out of frustration- we've all done that from time to time. I'm talking about things that are blurted out, shot out like a serpent straight from your own undying ego.

I have. And here is the most recent irrevocable goodie:

After having to repeat myself for the third time about not jumping on the bed yesterday morning I said to G, "Mommy just needs you to listen better or you won't have any friends. Sometimes you just don't listen." Really? Is that how it goes, Erin? This is what you wanted to say? You seriously believed this was a paramount message to relay to your two year old boy just moments after he woke up happily delirious to spend all day with you, his daddy, and his little sister? He's two and eight months old, not twenty-two and making mortgage payments. Wow. Did I really want to load up his toddler plate with this? He just discovered earthworms and ladybugs a few weeks ago in our backyard garden (our backyarden as he says) and I'm forcing him to consider finessing himself through complicated relationships with people he hasn't even met yet?

"No friends?" He doesn't even use the potty full time. Should he invite all his "park slide" buddies over Friday night for the big boy undie-wearing flushfest?

"Doesn't listen?" He just learned HOW TO SPEAK IN SENTENCES. That might have a little something to do with him practicing this new skill set nonstop, there genius mom. He's a tad bit preoccupied with mastering the English language to care whether or not his shouty shoutsalot voice is on your nerves by 6am.

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Once I said it and those mean words were out there, all I could think of was his sweet mind churning up images of his "friends" that would no longer be there because he jumped on the Mommy & Daddy bed:

Tigger, Pooh Bear, Thomas the Train, Max & Ruby, Angelina Ballerina, Not-Sadie, Nonie, Nammy, Pop. Poof! All Gone. Gone Daddy Gone. No more friends. Jumping on the bed. Listen. You don't. Better. Won't. Have sometimes. Words. Mean Mouth. Mommy not my best friend anymore.

Then my next phrase echoed in my ear, "..you just don't listen." Oh. Is that so Miss Speaker of the House Lady? I believe this WonderChamp does nothing but listen to your every droning syllable all day long and repeat back to his Little People figurines later on, verbatim at times, complete conversations you held with yourSELF (you verbose pancake) over your beloved Swiffer and/or DustBuster. Seriously woman. Damaged goods. Let this one escape your skewed perceptions and religious self-doubtings. He's new, unused, and perfect. Let him continue in that light with your positive guidance and loving words, ya big bully. Leave behind your own neurosis about people not liking you. That's what this is about, after all.

To know you is to know and like your children? Not even close, not even close to close. We have to let go of this notion. Our children are not extensions of our shortcomings. They aren't even extensions of us half the time. Personalities are born and they continue to build their own quirks and nuances, they don't always borrow from their family tree. Children are individual and inspired creatures from another planet as far as I'm concerned. A planet we once knew, eons ago, just as they do now. It's their turn. Let G know there are boundaries and consequences for his actions. That's your job. Your other more important job, however, is to show him love, consideration, patience (an inordinate abundance thereof, yes!) generosity, humility, joy, curiosity, determination and have a big piece of Shut Your Mouth once in a while. You be the Listener and enjoy the ride. Let him do the talking...you've had your turn already. And in the process, he will certainly and without your help in most cases make friends who love him, appreciate him, listen to him, and don't mind one bit if he jumps on the bed.