Laundry List

Domestic life has a way of making you forget to slow down. There are 500 things that need to be done within an hour's time and before you know it you are racing upstairs, downstairs, and throughout the house like your bum is on fire. Case in point:

5:30 am: Grayson comes to our bedside to ask if that "sun is coming up?" No. I want to reply no, not today dear. It's a full day of night-night. Let's go back to bed.

5:32 am: I ask the husband to please deal with Grayson and his sunshine. I have Lillabeth at the till and refuse to have two small human backpacks before 6am.

5:45 am: Lillabeth is finished nursing and is clowning around so we get up to go downstairs.

5:45 and 30 seconds. Smell poop. (The race begins!)
5:45 and 60 seconds. On my way downstairs I remember last night's laundry. Run laundry on "damp cycle" to shake out wrinkles from night before.
5:46 and 5 seconds. Bring Abs to changing table and change diaper number one.
5:46 and 30 seconds. Put Abbadoo in exersaucer. Realize she needs bib. Run into living room to retrieve bib. See many toys strewn about already. Spend 2 minutes sorting and returning toys to baskets just so aesthetics don't screw with me before orange juice.
5:49 Return to put bib on Abby and smell poop. Again. Wow, impressive.
5:50 Change diaper number two on Abby while singing, blowing raspberries, and stretching face into cartoonish angles to entertain. This diaper change is insult to her busy schedule. She's fussy. Rightfully so, ceilings are boring.
5:51 Think to myself that maybe Da Vinci was really just kind hearted baby soother who created beautiful tapestries on ceilings and walls to amuse babies during diaper changes. Was that Da Vinci or Da Someone else? Wait, what?!? Am I drunk?
5:52 Return Abby to exersaucer and see Sadie standing vigil by cookie bin. Give in. As usual. Begin to put her breakfast together. Feeling dreadful that she never got walked yesterday.
5:53 See dirty dishes in sink while putting Sadie's dish together so abort breakfast assembly for dish suds in sink instead.
5:55 and counting. Sadie moans to snap me out of cleaning OCD. A dog of few words.
5:56 Add lots of Cherryaki chicken leftovers to make up to Sadie, again.
5:57 Put Sadie's bowl down on floor. Notice swirls of dog hair and clusters of crumbs so grab Dust Buster.
5:57 and 30 seconds. Apologize to Abby for noise. Proceed to Dust Buster entire kitchen. Plus dog. Who is still eating.
5:58 Realize dog hair and crumbs are not magically secluded in kitchen area sooooo grab Swiffer.
5:59 Grayson enters scene because he enjoys a little cleaning OCD first thing in morning too. Hand wand over. Consider grabbing Windex. Smudges on windows are not lovely. Pretty sure one grew in radius while standing there.
6:00 Smell poop. Again. Toddler poop this time.
6:01 Have first argument of day with toddler. Can't believe I'm asking him to "stop cleaning"just to meet challenge of his morning numero dos. Yuck times 11. Seriously, would somebody potty train this kid already? Where is his mother?!
6:04 G finally relinquishes Swiffer wand. He stands (somewhat) still to commence diaper change number three of morning.
6:06-6:15 G wants to "play chase" while riding his Pooh mobile (aptly named). Acquiesce because excuses elude bleary brain. Sloth behind G as he LOUDLY zooms along kitchen, dining room, hallway as though he's had lollipops and sweet tarts for breakfast. Has he HAD lollipops and sweet tarts for breakfast?
6:20 Announce to disappointed G that Mommy needs to fuel up before playing more chase. I'm thinking vodka. If only.
6:21 Abby is unusually quiet in Exersaucer. Check in to find her chewing plastic part of shoelace in half (from a toy, not a shoe) like it was her job. Near death experience number one down. Whew, only 3,458 to go.
6:22 More Mommy Guilt. Shouldn't have put those blocks on a string on doorknob only inches away from her grasp. Guilt gives way to pride. She is motivated to grab at something so hard to attain. That's my girl! Obviously she's going to be an astronaut.
6:23 Husband comes back downstairs to announce he's got to go to work now. Yes dear, have a nice day. Will try not to envy your sixty minute solitary commute away from this world of crazy.
6:24 SUPER BUDDY! screams Grayson for no apparaent reason.
6:25 Husband departs. Daydream briefly that I'm riding shotgun, even if husband does work in cubicle.
6:27 (Long daydream) Smell poop. REALLY? All before 6:30 in morning. Enough to make strongest person cry for Mercy.
6:28 Get on FB for 30 seconds to "escape." Consider writing "Anyone else covered in dog hair and poo already?" but leave status blank instead. Even domestic divas have some pride.