Sunday, September 22, 2013

Evolution of a Family Portrait

Abby's preschool class requested a recent family photo.  

We don't have any.  I have ten crap ton billion of her alone but no full house family shot.  The most recent family photo we have was when Abby wasn't walking yet and had hair like married and angry about it Kate Gosselin.  I know we just moved here but I doubt Abby's preschool teachers will believe that one's from last week. 

So, we took our family photo.  At 8:45 at night.  In our pajamas.  The night before the picture was due.  Because I like to set the example of a together parent in this together family for this together life we're having. 

Below is a wee peek into our real anything but together life at any given moment.  

Enjoy the real.  

   This is a test.  This is only a test.

  Ok, Kids.  We're going to need you to be visible, everyone, look over here.
Good girl, Sparrow.  Stay there. 
Please come out of the covers, Grayson.

  Ok, that's good.  I can see your face now, Baby.
But...we lost Sparrow. 

 No, no.  Stay there, Honey. 
Daddy can get Sparrow. 
Oh look, Sadie is in the shot!

 Yes, thank you for getting Sparrow, Abby. 
Now can you sit down on Daddy's lap? 
Yes, yes, I can still see Sadie.  Everybody look up, please?

 What just happened?  It fell to sh*t that fast? 
Sadieeeee, come back Honeeeeey.  
Grayson, I can barely see your face. 
Can you just...can we lose the blanket, dude, you look like a worm in a cocoon. 
Yes, "chrysalis" whatever. 
You're all sweaty now. 
Abby Honey, sit down, I can see your Pull-Up. 
I know, you're only four.  
Babe, your legs look hot. 
Ok, Sparrooooowww!

  We have both dogs again?  
Honey?  Abby?  Can you stop being in the dog's face right now? 
I know, you have to snoofy-oopy her because she's "adowable" but I need you to...
...Abigail Kate get A-W-A-Y from that dog's face right now, I heard her growl. 
 Andy, did she growl?  That is her warning sign, Abby Kate. 
WARNING you to Get Away From Her Sharp Teeth, child. 
She is going to bite your nose off one day, Abigail, I swear.

Fine, no dogs, whatever. 
No, Sparrow won't really bite your nose off, Abby, it's ok. 
But you really have to start respecting her space. 
Andy, Babe...I'm dying here, can you paleeeeze help me out, man? 
We just need to get one shot before bed, this damn thing is due tomorrow.
 Jesus, could the boys smile, maybe? 
Why do you two look like the walking dead right now? 
Good job keeping it happy, Abby. help me, I am seriously about to rip that blanket right from your body, son. 
Could you please....
 Nobody move, Sadie's back. 
Abby, look here. 
Abby!  Do NOT get off of Daddy's lap. 
I will get Sparrow.

 AbbeeGaaaiill Kate, I will get Sparrow. 
PLEASE stay on Daddy's lap. 
Sadie!  Look over here, Honey. 
Grayson?  Why don't you just go all the way inside the blanket.
 Yes, like that.  
Is Sparrow coming? 
Come here, Honey.  Good girl, come here girl. 
Sparrow? Come over here now pleeeeeaaase,
Come here girl, come on girl, let's go good dog, Sparrow. 
Come on girl, let's go up.
Holy crap, I could not be sweatier right now.
Jesus, God. 
The dogs are in the picture, blessed be thy name. 
Thank you for your help, Abby. 
Please everyone look up here and smile so Mommy can run in the picture next to Moth Boy.
Do you think we could get both dogs up on the couch with us, they're hardly in the shot.
Come on Sadie, you can do it, Honey. 
Come up here with Mommy.
You got this little mama. 
 Sparrow, you come on too, let's go!
Well, yes but...
not exactly the angle I was going for.
C'mon Girls, let's go.  Up here!

Oh for F&$% sake, I give up.

No, no, we can do this.  I'm just going to need a little nap first.

And then head boop Abby.

Oh Hi, you're a cute little boy.

 It is so funny over there.

 Where did I put my gin and tonic?
Hand over the remote and we'll pretend this never happened.


 Merry Christmas.


Anonymous said...

Nothing is ever easy! The picture you took inside the front door upon your arrival in your new home is a good alternate :)

Andrea Mowery said...

This is hilarious! On another note, WHY is it so hard to get everyone to sit still for ten seconds?

OSMA said...

Nammy, WHY didn't I think of that!?! Next time. Urgh. xoxo

Andrea, thanks! Ten seconds is definitely out of our league now, possibly forever.