Saturday, January 5, 2013

I Never

Did you ever play that drinking game where you and seventeen of your closest hormones friends sit in a circle and take turns saying something that you "never did?"  The train wreck friend who takes a drink (of their Bartles & James) is the friend who has, in fact, done whatever is the "never" act mentioned.  It can get very funny very fast.

Once, when I was playing with a group of professionals who shall remain nameless, I took a swig when someone said they "Never Dated Their Professor."

All eyeballs on me.

Nobody made a move toward their drink.  Nobody made a move, period.

Uh. Oh.  Sh*t just got real.

Then the giggles started.  An entire year's worth of giggles started in my throat, then around the room until someone hollered, "It's always the quiet ones!"

(Which is so true.  It is always the quiet ones.)

So, in honor of my dwindling youth and playful spirit....shall we?

I will start, you can add on in comments or just in your head for fun.  FYI:  I so love your comments and fully appreciate the hoops of keyboard hell you must jump through to leave them.  I love to learn more about people stopping in here so thank you for your diligence.

Some of these "Nevers" might surprise you.  Some might make you wonder if we went to high school together, and some may leave you feeling that perhaps we really don't know each other so well after all....or maybe we do.

I NEVER:
  • left AOL
  • quit a promising teaching career to work as a veterinarian's assistant for $13.50 an hour, no benefits
  • spent the night in a park, underneath the monkey bars
  • was told my doppleganger was Roseanne Barr while sitting in a sauna
  • made out with a perfect stranger in a strange land (Not guy in sauna.)
  • snuck out my window just to drive a car around the neighborhood (A car my then boyfriend stole from his mom. She caught on very quickly.)
  • fell in love at first sight
  • was infatuated with Richard Marx
  • was a doormat
  • dated an alcoholic
  • hung up my clothes before college
  • dropped out of veterinary medicine and lived to regret it
  • performed with a band in rat-hole DC bars in my 20s
  • had a long distance love affair, then married him
  • got caught in Riptide and almost didn't make it out
  • ate cow tongue on accident but liked it
  • slept with a butcher knife under my pillow when my husband was deployed
  • can remember if it's "viligence" or "vigilence"
  • taught my kids how to throw a solid punch thinking I was a cool mom.  Then realized I was a dumb mom when they clocked me in the nose years later.
  • slept in a mansion right across the street from Quincy Jones in Beverly Hills, CA for three nights, one of which occurred a 7.5 earthquake
  • ran the USMC marathon really really s-l-o-w-l-y
  • flew to England alone when I was 12
  • drove a diesel truck (with entrance only through passenger side) door to work for 6 months
  • get lost in my own town on a regular basis
  • want to redo my wedding ceremony, sans monsoon
  • get jealous of other people's pictures in their blogs (KelleHampton, KelleHampton, KelleHampton)
  • thought being a mom was for me
  • Google: How to Nap While Parenting
  • had a serious crush on Duck Dynasty's cast, namely Mr. Phil
  • knew life would slow down if I did
What are some of yours?

I promise to take a swig of my tea right along with you if we share skeletons in our Neverland closets

P.S. Anyone really interested in more Disney pics?  I will be happy to post more but I'm kind of thinking just my mom is interested.  No hard feelings.  How many jpgs of unfettered Disney gluttony should one blog harbor?  I'm willing to move on if you are.

Cheers.

4 comments:

Anna See said...

LOVED getting to know you through these.

I never:
Got braces for the second time at age 43.

Cleaned up my friend's pee in the stairwell of our dorm.

Slept in a hammock for weeks in the Yucatan...w/ no toilet or running water.

Got a coupon holder from my boyfriend for grad school graduation.

The Palmer Family said...

LOVE YOU!! You gave me a good giggle. I had to find Richard Marx, Right Here Waiting for You on iTunes after I read this. I'm a sucker for that song. I think I'm actually "moved" by that song. And I can't help having fond memories of a country that rhymes with "Maruba".

Here's my "I never":

I never ate a whole package of Strawberry Valentine Peeps for lunch today!

I would love to see more Disney pictures. We're thinking of going again this year.

Will call soon to catch up!

Love,
K

OSMA said...

Anna, you are so sweet, thanks for playing. I keep giggling at the thought of your coupon holder (were they out of calculators?) and the hammock in the Yucatan? Tell me more...sounds uh-mazing. I loved reading your Nevers too. No wine coolers needed: it's just as fun w/tea.

KKP- LOVE YOU TOO! Ahhh, great idea w/the iTunes. You had me at "moved" by that song...I can hear your voice, and while that is funny, I bet I would get goosebumps from the first five notes. Knew you'd recognize "Maruba." What I really should've said was, "I never: got approached to sponsor a Merchant Marine through a love letter." Bless his Dutch heart. And his babyshoot.

JRitz said...

It really is the quiet ones:) I feel like such a rule follower.

I never:

threw up in front of the Takoma Park fire department after celebrating my 18th birthday.

I never skipped an entire semester of my marketing class and than spent more money at kinkos copying a friends notes than the it cost to buy the textbook.

Yours were so much cooler:)