Since You've Been Gone...

I have been...

• sleeping on your side of the bed to fill in the empty spot
  
• keeping the house in tip top shape at all times so that you'll be proud of how we've done when you come home
• throwing all Jos. Alexander, LL Bean, & REI catalogs away immediately. Having them around sucks
• throwing away some (all) of your hunting magazines. What?
  
• storing each and every "report card" from Grayson's preschool so you can see how your son's first year of school went for yourself.
• wearing your socks
• crushing boxes with my feet while wearing your combat boots in the garage
  
• noticing my hands are getting older looking by the day
• hoping yours have been too
• not cooking steak or salmon or much pork now that I think about it
• desperately needing to clean out our van before OSHA puts yellow tape around our driveway
• quite social, proud of that yet exhausted from forcing conversation when all I really feel like doing is curling up in a ball to sleep for months on end
  
• trying like hell to not live in fast forward but instead remembering to live in the moment for our children's sake
  
• not doing so well on the above
• missing contact with your beating heart even though I get to see you on Skype almost every week
  
• having a hard time getting used to seeing you wear glasses
  
• "filing" all our paid bills in one huge drawer without any sort of system
• letting the kids watch much more TV than when you were home
• not eating ice cream too much because that's your thing and we'll wait
• wearing your T shirts on the weekends to differentiate Saturday and Sunday from M-F
• hugging and kissing on the kids extra long at night while telling them "Daddy sends his love" because you always ask me to
  
• not sleeping with sheets on our bed since maybe November. I'll explain later.
• trying to remind myself that we're nearing the end of this even though every day feels harder, longer, and just flipping lonelier
• making new friends who I can't wait to introduce you to because they are already like family who feel like they know you through me
• wearing jewelry and boots!
• praying
• tickling our children until they can no longer breathe at least once a day
• edgier than ever at night
  
• watching our kids grow into these little independent people who have their very own volition and their very own way of interacting with the universe. You will not believe your eyes when you come home
• getting supremely impatient for spring
• loving that we can see flowers budding here already
• dreaming of picking out a "homecoming" dress to pick you up from the airport
• realizing it's almost time to go shopping for that dress
• 

(I lost the the chance to buy this one. It is from a boutique and since I literally only shop at Target did not realize the time sensitive nature of boutique items. It's okay though, not sure a girl past 35 should be wearing ruffles on her bumbum. On to the next homecoming dress!)