Freeze

Not every day in this house is a Norman Rockwell painting for certain. There are days when I walk around the house looking and acting like someone I don't recongnize and would've probably thrown spears at when I was younger and knew everything. Some days there are Goldfish crackers and raisins smashed into the couch, diapers forgotten in mid-fold b/c Grayson pulled poor Sadie's tail again, millions of banged up toys and their derelict pieces scattered throughout the place like a trail of tears. When things are this way and I'm up to my boiling point with time-outs and "how many times do I have to tell yous..." I take a moment to breathe in, zoom out, and freeze. To get over myself this is what I picture:






...and this.....
















and then I remember that today is my last day to hold on to these particular expressions, these sweetly honest, incredulously mischievous, and always candid faces my children make while they bound away from their babyhoods and into a life independent of their nannycam of a mom and worry-Nelson of a dad. While Grayson is just 2 and a half, he is learning the concrete and the abstact. He mixes Ranch dressing and hot sauce together and declairs it glue. He puts the vacuum extension to his right eye and announces, "Yo Ho Ho!" These real and imagined properties are part of his expanding world and he is so quickly discovering more every day. He knows how to make (not so hot) tea with honey and sugar and does not spill a drop in the process. Little "Lillabeth" (what I call Abby b/c I still cannot remember my own daughter's name to save my life on a typical day) is in her own stage of developing and growing and becoming her own little person. Her "fourth trimester" out of my belly is ending and she is of lovely temperament and has a funny bone with an airy giggle to match. The lamp next to our couch is her boyfriend. She coos sweetly and flirts shamelessly at Lamp until she fatigues of her unrequited advances and cries for the comfort and solace of her rocking chair (little does she know her mother did the exact same thing right up until college!). These little people I call my babies are fascinating to me and I'm realizing, to many other family members and close friends too. It's amazing to watch babies become toddlers and toddlers become children. Though I've lived 34 very full years fat with experiences and memories, I have to admit that I am eager to start the days now in a way that's never been true before. Before I was excited about the possibilities a day could hold for me. Today I am excited about the possibilities the day holds for these little emoticons who happen to be sharing their own space, boundless energy, and precious time with me and I'm not about to let on that it breaks my heart and fills it with joy at the same time to watch them grow up.