I don't have a post ruminating in my mind today like usual. Yet I really feel like writing. So, I give you some free flow:
Abby is quietly settled into my old favorite rocking chair pressing a stylus around all the wrong answers on her LeapPad2. It's a patient game, and keeps telling her the sun is golden yellow. My guess is she's trying to make it orchid pink.
Our pipes froze solid last night while I was dreaming about turning sinks on in my childhood home.
My friend texted me the other day that her skin didn't fit and did I ever feel like that. I have and today I do. A lot. Your whole body feels taught like a balloon that is willing itself to find the nearest sharp thing to relieve the pressure.
My kids' arms and legs are taking the shape of teenager's limbs. Even Grayson's kneecaps seem like they have big plans in there. Abby's thighs still have hints of freshly baked dough but her muscles are all business as they help her turn our living room into her tactical gymnasium.
Abby has the most beautiful shape and I love my body more because it made hers. She will know the words: diet, fat, do these make my butt look big, and layering. But right now, I hush Andy when he talks of how much weight he wants to lose. I have wasted too many years underappreciating my own skin to let anyone's voice ring in her ears, including my own. That kid bravado she has inspires and reminds me to speak well of myself around her. It feels like a show most of the time but my body responds with taller posture and longer strides. I think it's falling for it.
The other night Grayson told me Sparrow smells like the sweetest spot on the earth. I know what he means. Sadie smells like every secret I don't know about the world but someday might. In her fur are the answers to galaxies we can't see and why vegetables are so hard to love.
For the last few months, silver is exploding from my dark hair like fireworks. Sassy celebrations of late nights and years of keeping it together in the pediatrician's office.
Lately, I find Stephen Colbert hilarious. The fact that he wears a three piece suit always just makes him funnier in my book. It's such great medicine to watch him right before going to sleep.
There are fewer signs of Jimmy lately and I haven't seen him in my dreams. It's amazing how many times I need proof he's still somewhere good. While the signs of him are fewer, the presence of him is greater in my own mind. I wake every morning more energized to push forward with things that feel important to me. Some are small in scope but others are large and I am not intimidated by their bigness. I trust these steps and all intention behind each one.
We got to press the reset button as a family over the holidays. That never happens and the boat we're on feels less like a canoe and more like a sturdy vessel.
Ever since that crazy endless stomach flu, I have severed ties with coffee. Even decaf. Did you catch the flu this year? Did it change your taste buds, too?
Most of my shirts are purple.
This is the time of year anxiety sets in about spring. No idea what that's about.
I'm a couple of months away yet but 40 really does seem like it might be Fabulous.