Wednesday, October 30, 2013

What It All Comes Down To, My Friends

My brother used to get so annoyed with me that I didn't care enough about my things. 

In the 90s, I drove around in a Toyota with a broken tape deck (Alanis' angry Jagged Little Pill probably broke it) for months before he scolded me.  "Sissy!  You have been driving around in SILENCE all this time?  Listening to NOTHING?!"

Yes.  Yes, I was.  My thoughts keep me company and since I'm a worrier/internalizer/former caffeine abuser I was never lonely.  Many, many of the thoughts to keep me company.

He'd get on me about my closet, too.  Yes, my brother had more fashion sense than I did.  Still does.  He never has on dirty shoes if he's not going to work.  My Sauconys are over a year old and thinning about the inseams like crazy.  I'd have to ask his wife but I'd bet she has to give him ample hair checking time before they go out to dinner. 

Don't even get me started on pegged jeans.  Oh my God, I die at the memory of him making me decide which peg looked better.  As if either one looked cute.  But I stared, tilting my head convincingly and lied about one of them being much sounder in roll and tuckness.  It was the only way to get him from behind the hallway mirror.

Many times since then have I thought about what a poor carer of things I am.  I love my people, my doggas, my camera, my iPad but that's kind of it.  Things just don't get me the way Sadie's frosty eyes do.  My shoes never lick my earlobes.  The last time any of my scarves kept me up giggling is for another post blog altogether. 

So, you see where I might have a real deficit at decorating.  My house.  My children.  Myself.  It's just hard.

Then holidays come around and there's this competition of doorways in neighborhoods that subconsciously makes me feel like I'm not playing the game right with only a Welcome mat.  And let me tell you what the south does, you guys.  They DECORATE.  Very Very well they decorate.  So, I strap on some gumption and give it a go.

This is what happens when I decide we need a little something special for Halloween. 

Dollar General meets Perhaps Just Give Up Next Year.

I mean, it's not even cohesive.  Why is November Scarecrow near October witch? 

And what the balls is with the weird black pantyhose draped all fat on one side and "oh well" on the other? 

Also, they were only a dollar each.  Why not spring for more fake pumpkins? 

What does your Halloween décor look like?  Do you have inflatables and puffy wreaths?  Did you carve pumpkins and hang scary liners on your windows?  Will you play creepy music during Trick or Treat?

I want to do all of that one year, too.  Just not this year.  This year I have "one hand in my pocket and the other one hailing a taxi cab." - A. Morisette


ries said...

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet

Like your pumpkins and black mesh.

A Speckled Trout said...

I've noticed a lot of over the top Halloween decor this year. I add up the cost of all those twenty pumpkins on the porch and think, "Who's got that kind of money???". I like the those make a good scrubber for the tub? I'm going to Pinterest that after I make some candy apples and decoupage the cat.

Anna See said...

Fake pumpkins and a leaf wreath from CVS. I think I'm doing okay. xo

Anonymous said...

they decorate here in the north too. I just moved here. so we made some lawn ghosts.

OSMA said...

thanks, ries! possibly my favorite of all time. my house cleaning music for decades. :)

SpeckT - yeah? there too? maybe pinterest is going viral in real life. ugh. i'm just glad you didn't want to decoupage the apples and candy the cat.

Anna - well done to us both. you are doing okay and i'd say we both kind of kick arse for doing anything at all.

Anonymous- maybe it really is going nuts everywhere. thought it was just a southern thing. lawn ghosts sound adorable, how did they turn out?